I feel like I am juggling my choices around. One second I am fine with leaving and the next it hurts. For the most part leaving sounds like the good decision. This is no way to live, not for me, my kids, or even him. It sucks that we have to even be in this position. Today is one of those days were question Heavenly Father. Why me? Why this challenge? Why can't it just be done with? Why can't the decision just be made for me?
I know the answers to those questions, but it doesn't keep me from questioning. Some days are so much harder than others.
In an effort to turn his life around, my husband has now started taking the Zoloft he was prescribed months ago. I can not say that I have much faith in that. I have watched his cycle enough to know how it goes and this is just part of his cycle. Once the Zoloft is gone will he seek counseling and possibly another prescription? Probably not.
I am feeling pulled in so many different directions right now. All because I am such an indecisive person. One part of me always wants one thing and another part an entirely opposite thing. I just want the nightmare to end. I want my husband to get better or I want to leave. At this point I don't think the first option will ever happen so why is the second so hard?
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