Over the past year I have been so angry that I have forgotten how to be happy. I have let the anger, hurt, and resentment totally over come me. I decided to set myself free. I don't want my misery to imprison me any longer. As I have let go of the resentment I have learned so much. I've learned how to love my husband again. I've learned how to be me again. Most of all I have learned how much my attitude affects my husband and the over all atmosphere of my home. I've found that without the resentment my home is a much happier place.
I have also found my optimism and sense of humor again. For example, today I was rear ended. I immediately flipped off the lady who hit me and pulled out of the way of traffic. After doing so I sat in my car for a second. I knew I had to get myself together. I took a deep breath and just laughed. I'm pretty sure the poor lady was prepared for me to give it to her. Instead she saw me laughing and after looking a bit confused she laughed, too. I told her that we could sit there and stew over it or we could just laugh. Either way my car still has damage so why not just laugh. Maybe I inspired her or maybe she just thinks I'm bipolar. Either way it helped me to feel better about the situation. All the same the police officer said I was one of the happiest people he had ever seen get rear ended. :)
As for my husband, he is getting better. Are things still hard for him? Yes, just the other night he tried to leave. But I'm learning how to handle things better for him. I'm usually pretty good about seeing blow ups before they happen and therefore able to stop them before they happen, but the other night I missed it.
I am hoping that my attitude about life can help my husband. When he starts to give me his "I hate my life list" I start to give my "You should love life because list." The other day he said it was a guilt trip. I guess that means it works.
Either way I feel better and feel like things will turn around soon.
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